What the pattern tells you
Better Question: What’s the standard?
“I’m calling Post-it.”
Derek Shepherd stands in the living room of the house he built for Meredith. He knows he screwed up while he was in Boston, putting his marriage on shaky ground. Calling Post-it is his way of invoking their vows and their commitment to each other.
He asserts his position: “I love you. I’m not going to stop loving you. Meredith, I can’t live without you. I don’t wanna live without you.”
Meredith responds, “I can live without you. (*pause for dramatic effect*) But I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to.”
If this were the first episode of Grey’s Anatomy you’d ever watched, you might be lulled into thinking that this was the beginning of a stronger relationship for these two. He’ll come back to Seattle, they’ll grow closer, and it will always be a beautiful day to save lives.
But if you’d watched the 236 episodes that preceded this one, you would know better.
.
What’s the standard?
This moment in the series serves as an inflection point, creating several branches in Meredith’s decision tree:
She can’t trust Derek.
She can’t trust Derek, and they separate legally but not physically.
She can’t trust Derek, and they separate legally and physically.
She chooses Derek.
She chooses Derek but doesn’t trust him.
She chooses Derek and everything goes well in the relationship.
As a strategic thinker, you know there’s always a third option. And that’s where the writers played.
They chose to have Meredith decide that she never wants to live without Derek. They give the viewers a taste of their perfect life.
Then they kill Derek in a car accident. He was reaching for his phone (Meredith was calling) and got hit head-on by a truck. He’s brought to a hospital that isn’t set up for trauma and suffers a brain injury.
Meredith has to make the call to terminate life support.
This third option keeps the viewers on their toes. There’s an element of, “Who saw that coming? What an unfortunate accident.”
It also gives the show an even bigger emotional moment and allows the writers to not only draw out Meredith’s suffering, but introduce a whole new pool of options for what happens next.
In that way, the third option follows the standard of the show, which as far as I’m concerned is, “What allows us to extend the pain the most?”1
If you look back across the seasons, over and over the writers asked themselves this question and chose accordingly. In this case, not only did they force Meredith to live without Derek, she had to make the choice to let him go. Ooof.
How to put it into practice →
Once you identify a pattern you can use it to your advantage and develop a rule. Rules help us to understand the world more easily. There’s generally an exception to every rule, but they can help us make sense of things.
As an individual, it’s great to ask yourself, “What’s my standard?” when it comes to inflection points or opportunities, or even saying no. If you can identify the unconscious pattern, you can make it conscious — as well as change it if it’s not serving you. Change is hard and writing a rule for yourself can make breaking a habit easier.
Asking, ‘What’s our standard?” allows you to see patterns of behavior within your business. You can see where you have patterns of behavior you want to encourage — and possibly ones you want to discourage. You can do neither if you don’t make them explicit.
Keep in mind that in some cases, the point is to act entirely against the standard because you need to create an acute point of contrast.
It would have fit the Grey’s standard to send Meredith to the Harper Avery awards ceremony and then deny her the award. The show writers could stretch that doom spiral out for several episodes.
But to keep the audience on their toes, they choose to have Meredith stay at the hospital to perform surgery. She watches the award ceremony from the operating room surrounded by her mentors, friends, and yes – even the ghost of her mother who gives her the literal nod. It’s a rare moment where everything goes exactly the way the character wants it to go.
And as a result, the moment stood out and will serve to make the next standard moment all the more painful by contrast.
Hi! I’m Katie
In addition to writing this newsletter, I speak, cultivate a community, and work directly with teams. Here’s how you can work with me:
Community: Join The Glaede, a refuge for those who find deep thinking essential — and fun. It’s a space to engage with curious minds who will expand your perspective.
Speaking: Bring me in to challenge assumptions and explore frameworks to think more strategically.
Teams: Work with me 1-on-1 at Point:Value to ask the right questions and evolve your value.
Not sure where to start? Meet with me and we’ll unite that knot together.
I also think that the standard for Blue Bloods is, “So long as there’s a gap between their expectations and reality.”